He Always Gets It Wrong
by EleventhAmyRoryRiver
Summary: The Doctor is prone to getting things wrong? So when his ability to make decisions is tested, it all goes wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey!


_**The sound of the glistening sienna coloured console echoed and bounced off the walls of the magical time machine, soaring through the never-ending vortex that's full of everything and everywhere, a whole world packed inside a police telephone box, and inside that blue box, there is a man, a wonderful, brilliant man that knows **__**so**__** much. He has a name but the people of our world know him better, as the Doctor. The man with two hearts, who can change his face, always running. But he is not alone, he is never alone. Amy and Rory. The last centurion and the girl who waited. The Doctor has been part of their lives since they were so young. Even though he wasn't always there, they remembered him, right up until the day he came back for them. The best friends of this wonderful brilliant man. They also have a daughter, River Song, Melody Pond, who is married to the Doctor. Long story. They all share adventures and experiences, like this one...**_

Dear Diary,

OK OK, I understand that is not the most original way to start a diary extract, but its my first time! Believe me, I did try and think of something else. I even resorted to 'Hello Sweetie' but felt that I wasn't allowed to say that, stepping on River's territory or whatnot, I'm riffing, someone usually stops me when I'm riffing, or they carry on without me that's fine too. I really don't know what to write here, don't even know why I am writing, probably because Amy and Rory are off somewhere in the TARDIS, kissing probably, and River won't talk to me because of 'my behaviour.' Women sometimes, seriously! Actually, don't tell her I said that, not that you could tell her - you're a book! Riffing again... What can I write about?! I suppose I could tell you about last week, but I don't think you would find Amy accidentally marrying Henry VIII on her and Rory's anniversary very exciting. Rory certainly didn't. I think I will tell you about yesterday as it is fresh in my mind and by the time I have finished River will probably be in a better mood...

The four of us were all just 'hanging out' round the TARDIS console and I started an innocent conversation with Rory about our recent encounter with the Silence, (and as you can probably work out that topic of conversation wouldn't have lasted very long based on the fact we can't even remember what they look like...) and he completely went off on one as soon as I mentioned going to the pub, because apparently when he brings up the idea of us going to the pub, he gets ignored. So Rory got stressed, which then made Amy get stressed, which then got River stressed- which by the way is something you really don't want to do- well I just didn't know what to do with myself, I was just standing there looking at three angry faces, so I resorted to the nearest thing possible, the awkward 'walk around the console pressing buttons and hope that someone will say something' plan. That didn't work. The minute I touched a lever River began to mouth off at me for flying the TARDIS wrong! But I knew how to shut her up. I'm clever like that. Whilst she was at the opposite side of the TARDIS to me talking about environment checks and engines, (which you would think I would be terribly interested in, but on this occasion I wasn't) I was walking towards her the cheeky grin on my face that she would not be able to resist, grabbed her waist and kissed her. She shut up. I still had two other angry Ponds to worry about, I couldn't kiss them... again. So I took a risk and brought up the idea of going to the pub, and after a lo-o-o-t of arguing, we all decided we would go. It wasn't that simple. It's never that simple once you step on board the TARDIS and become a time traveller.

We ended up in the rainforest. Oops!

So guess what? It was my fault! Silly old Doctor, getting it wrong again. River proceeded criticising my style of driving, and I hadn't calmed the Ponds down in the first place so they were even more furious, and I couldn't go for the kissing option because I had already tried that 10 minutes earlier. So I was stuck, and to make it worse (oh yes, it gets worse) the girls- aww 'the girls', never said that before, my Pond girls- had got all dressed up in their heels that looked impossible to walk in, but they managed it, especially River, so they had another reason to moan at me.

I got into adventure mode at this point so they couldn't stop me from wandering into the forest and looking around. As you can expect, today wasn't my best day decision-wise, so erm, I think you wouldn't be surprised to hear that walking into the forest was not a good idea either...

The three Ponds followed me as I walked outside and the TARDIS had a strop and de-materialised. More shouting. Thankfully River had her computer with her because she's brilliant so we managed to track where the TARDIS had flew off to. Big yes!

Not really.

It was on the other side of the rainforest so we had to walk all the way there and we didn't know how long it was or how long it would take us. Big no.

I bet you think this diary extract is a bit bias, see there I said it, I own up, I know I did wrong with the decision making, so I will carry on this story from my point of view but with all the talky bits. Right, here we go.

As I crossed the street, I saw the thin guy, but he didn't see me, I guess that's how it began. Wait, no sorry, that's Melody Malone. Oops, again. Take two.

We came across a river, not River river, a river, like with water and stuff. This is just getting worse isn't it. Oh well let's keep going.

"Aha! The only water in the forest is the river." I joked to myself, reminiscing about the day we found out that River was Melody Pond. I didn't hide it very well though because I got three fake laughs and hard stares afterwards. They heard me.

"Doctor, we need to get to the other side of that river" Rory muttered.

"Oh, Rory, always the practical one, aren't you? We will just have to go through it won't we? It's not that deep" I replied nonchalantly. OK, I understand that was a bit cocky, but that didn't stop me. I marched closer to the river and dipped my foot in slowly. I slipped. They laughed. I regained my balance and stood up with a tiny bit of dignity still intact.

"See! Not deep at all, its only up to my ankles, c'mon who's going first?" I moaned whilst ushering the others over.

"Excuse me!" Amy shouted. "I was looking forward to a nice little family outing to the pub, then we end up in wherever-land in whatever-universe trekking through a bloody rainforest in my high heels! And now your expecting me to splodge through a river that's probably minus 1200 degrees!

"I will help you across Amy, come on, just calm down." Rory said quietly.

Amy began to walk over to Rory, still fuming, she grabbed his hand. It was quite hilarious to see their faces as they dipped their feet in the water because she was right, it was very very cold. It was okay for me though because I don't get that affected by the temperature.

"I can't believe you are making me do this, and don't ever tell me to calm down" Amy huffed. At that point, Rory cobbled over a small rock near the edge of the river and fell into the water, taking Amy with him.

"HAHA! Not that funny now is it!" I joked. I regret nothing.

My eyes met River's and she was shaking her head at me and giving me the most terrifying look. Seriously if looks could kill. I took a risk and decided to say something.

"No time to lose River if we want to find the TARDIS and get to the pub" I said with a very nervous laugh.

"Get here, now." River demanded.

"Er, why?" I began to step out of the water although I didn't know what I was being asked to do at this point.

"Your carrying me across that"

"OK"

"That was easy, I had a whole plan mapped out in my head on how to persuade you. You're so lovely, sweetie." River whispered.

"I know. Come here you" I replied, kissing her on the cheek and picking her up.

"See. Our bow-tie wearing alien son-in-law is more of a romantic than you are." Amy snapped at Rory from the other side of river, both covered in mud.

"Don't you start on that! You know what my response is going to be to that, it always has been and always will be the same, you don't like it so why do you make me say it? 2000 years waiting outside a box!" Rory grunted.

"You don't always need to bring that up, Rory! One of these days it will be irrelevant and you will just make a fool of yourself!"

"Oh, I make a fool of myself?! Pardon me, Miss 'I don't want to walk across that its too cold blah blah blah!" Rory mimicked, quite well actually.

"Dad!" River shouted, down my ear. I stopped myself from pointing it out so I didn't get slapped in the face.

"I didn't want to walk through it either! And don't you two fall out this situation is messed up enough! At a guess I'd say we are about ten minutes walk away from the TARDIS. We will get inside, get cleaned up and have a nice cup of tea and perhaps, if we're lucky that the Doctor hasn't eaten them all already, get some biscuits out of the cupboard, I am fed up with this diet now, its not worth it, I need some calories! Oh, oh my" River outburst.

"Well said, River, very very well said" I applauded.

"Thank you, sweetie"

"Let's go."

On the walk back I felt really impatient and disliked the fact we had been silent for so long. I brought up a topic that I do actually regret bringing up.

"Out of the four of us, who's the weakest?"

All eyes on me.

"Why me?! What about Rory"

"Hey! I was a Roman, what about Amy?!" Rory snapped.

"I fought pirates!" Amy squealed.

"Sorry, dear"

"What about River?" Amy said, trying to save Rory from any further embarrassment.

"Mother, oh mother, don't you recall me being stolen away from you and turned into a trained psychopath?" River sighed.

"Oh yeah. Right" Amy choked. She put her head on River's shoulder in hope that she would be forgiven. River put her arms over her mums neck and hugged her.

"Not far off now. Come on you lot. We can do it."

"I am so tired" Amy sighed once more, opening the door of the TARDIS.

"Up to bed, Mrs Williams" Rory said giving her a nudge in the direction of their bedroom.

"Goodnight, Doctor. Night, Melody!" Amy smiled, walking up the stairs.

"Night, Mother, sweet dreams" my wife said softly.

"Goodnight, Amelia." I grinned. I hadn't even finished my sentence and they were gone. Too tired to say anything more.

"You look shattered. Get to bed, you"

"Oh, thanks for that, sweetie, your full of the right things to say today aren't you?" River scoffed.

"Sorry, honey." I put my arm around her and lead her upstairs.

"You know, all the times I have been in this time machine, I still don't know my way around. Bit odd that, the child of the TARDIS not knowing her way around the TARDIS. Show me round." She said grabbing both my hands and looking at me straight in the eyes. She knew I couldn't resist that smile.

"Alright fine, as long as you promise to go straight to bed afterwards" I ordered.

"Yes, husband"

We went everywhere, and I mean everywhere.

Through all seventeen squash courts, three karaoke bars, the Helter Skelter, the wardrobe, Amy and Rory's room, (that was a mistake, never wake a sleeping Scottish woman) the theatre, the aquarium, the classroom (which by the way, I wasn't even aware I had), the playground, the cinema, the bowling alley, and every single one of the past control rooms, I have decided I like the current one best, its orange. To be honest with you, I could have saved myself some energy showing her round the control rooms because she fell asleep in three of them, I had to wake her up twice, the third time I gave up and carried her into our room and tucked her in bed. Her hair as curly and beautiful as ever. I crept out and ate the last of the jammie dodgers. Yum.

Yowzah! That was one hell of a day, right? Didn't realise how drastic it was until I wrote it down. So there you go. Day in the life of the Doctor, and the Ponds. One very un-average family, if that is even a word, which it isn't. Who cares? One more thing I have got wrong. Speaking of getting things wrong I need to go and see my wife, fingers crossed she is happy now. I will know if she is because I will hear the two words that always make me smile. Hello sweetie.


End file.
